Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Stars Are In My Hands, My hands Are In God's

Today I'm exhibiting traits, that of a cliche teenager. That fact alone send shivers up my back, warm and delicate. That back, made warm with today's wonderous heat. A warmth so sweet and gentle, I can feel it consuming me. Every time I cross by an open window I am blessed with the warm breeze and the sounds of people who have wondered out to enjoy this unfamiliar February day. I want to bask in the sun forever. I want to lay beneath a tree, read a book, talk to someone I love, share a drink while sitting on a bench in the center of town, eat a strawberry. I want to enjoy this day, unlike yesturday, which was a day almost wasted by my emotions and exhaustion. I sat outside with half my feet on the chilled cemet and by rump on the carpet of my house. Leaning against the sliding glass door I hummed to myself and closed my eyes. I saw red as the sun's light still found it's way past my eye-lids. I watched as my cat danced in the overgrown grass, and rolled in the dirt looking back at me after every turn. "Stuart," I called when he decided that our yard was not good enough for him; I don't mind interupting his explorations as long as I am keeping him safe, he'll thank me later.
Today I appeared to be something of a chaser. I wanted to chase my friends all over town just to get their attention, just to make them notice that I had nothing to do. My chasing ended in a void, and I still ended up sitting at my house playing a card game with my Mother. I didn't mind, I was actually suprised when she looked over from the couch, "Let's play cards. Remember that game we played a few weeks back, lets play that?". I smiled and grabbed some snacks, a couple chilled soda's, and two decks of cards. We shuffled the blues and red together, then after left them scattered on the table for later pick-up. I enjoyed winning as well, I made a late comeback, but beat her 120 to 150. A sweet success indeed.
Today prior to playing cards with my mother, I went on outreach. I led to girls in a prayer, and my legs felt like jello when I walked away. Ashley and I engaged in some interesting conversation with a buddhist; we did not get our point's across to say the least, but we walked away with one more person witnessed to.
Last night driving home from bible study, I sang in the car to the song "Kiss me" by the Cranberries and daydreamed about my wedding. I felt thirteen all over again, and wasn't ashamed. Inside I think we are all emotional thirteen year old's, struggling with hormones and emotions. Every now and then we must drift back to that inorder to see how far we've come, even if it's just singing along with a four minute song on the car ride home.
On Thursday I saw the stars, I wanted to grab them and hold them so tight. I wanted to let them trickle through my fingers and I wanted to blow kisses to the moon. If only I could fly, just for the night; only me, God, and the sky, for however long we wanted. Laughing and crying, sharing and telling secret's, talking and listening, nothing more than sitting in a crater staring at the earth, it staring back at us. We would have the advantage, we would have the luxury of watching the greens and blues mix together in a blunder of clouds. But it would end sooner or later, maybe after hours, days, or even weeks, and I would have to float back to earth and not be able to express in words my experience with God and the universe. I would cry, tears of joy, for I know that even after that, I would see him again, standing by his gates shaking hands like a welcoming pastor. I love my God, and I know he loves me. We fly together, we laugh together, we love together; forever, together, all through eternity.
-Toby K.

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