Monday, November 22, 2010

A Sunday Service with Pastor Mitchell

At our most recent service Larry O'Halloran preached a sermon that marched all over the subject what I had been just recently going through. It knocked on my hearts door begging for a place to come in and make home. I talked to Jaime after and she said, "Defentley a sermon for what you're dealing with, yeah?", I chuckled and nodded. The most powerful part of the sermon though, for me atleast, was his altarcall. Sitting on the floor with my legs crossed and head bowed, I heard him call David Duran up to the stage. David grabbed his guitar and we began to sing. I closed my eyes and clapped my hands and thought of a time long before mine when our church had first began. A time when long haired hippies flooded our buildings, when worship services were conducted with the audience sitting on the ground, the time Pastor Mitchell began to lead a people towards salvation-
"You will make it past this trial", Larry broke in.
Pastor Mitchell began fighting an endless lonesome war that has carried him through over fourty years of ministry.
"This time of struggle will not last".
Pastor Mitchell has watched as the world has slowly been over taken by the Son, drenched in the blood, called the redeemed.
"You will be made strong".
Our fellowship has been hit by the devil from so many different directions, yet still we fight. His blows have wounded us lessening our numbers, yet still we've marched on. His words have led so many of us astray, yet still our prayers have the power to call them back. We are warriors, strong, mighty, sons and daughters of the most high King, led into battle by the only commander bold enough to die for the ones who love and the ones who despise him. 
David strung the last cord and I looked up at a church on their knees, hands lifted high, lungs full. The peace of God had made a visitation.
-Toby K.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I Want To Be A Soldier For God.

I can't sleep. I've been up all night tossing and turning, playing music, sitting on the floor starring at the shadows on the walls, I've been stretching my legs and then laying as still as possible, eyes stapled shut trying to force myself into sleep. No use. So I decided to blog.
I've been thinking a lot latley. Struggling a lot too. This morning I finally broke down. I got home after work sometime around 6:30am and called my best friend; with her "hello" came a flood of tears. The devil has been relentless latley. I'm in a constant mind battle. His tactics, oh, they make me so mad! His cruelness and hatred is sometimes so overwhelming. I've been the product of major self condemnation.
Within the last few weeks I've literally hated myself at a constant. Everything about me. Me as a human, as a Christian, as a woman, as a me...I've hated it all inside and out. And that's not God. I read through my last post and I can hear the desperation in my voice. To have God close by again. To remember what is feels like to know who and what my Savior is because for so long I've been away from him. I pray and read and pray and pray and pray...but nothing. I was so scared, so very scared that I no longer knew my God, the one I want to be the closest to, the one I love with all my heart and soul; that I had some how fallen away through the struggles of past distractions and satan's blows.
I hadn't though Tate reminded me. "The devil can not get in between you and God, there's nothing for him to get in between of", she said with so much sureness. A sureness that I had some how lost along the way.
I tried fighting this battle all on my own. Casting down the devil, binding him in the most Holy of chains, but so often my doubt got the better of me handing the lock and key back over to my enemy. Oh, the devil! He is so stupid! And pompous! Ignorant! Ridiclous! Absolutley irratating!! I can't wait to see him burn, to fall off his high horse, land at the feet of Jesus and tremble in fear.  
The audicity of him to dare take me away from my God, to take me away from my destiny, the absolute absurdity of him. He makes me so frustrated sometimes.
But we will get the victory and that is what keeps me going, and I am going, all the way to the end of it all and more. I'm stronger than the devils smoke and mirrors. I'm greater than his lies. I am a child of God, a Princess in his sight, a mighty warrior, a redeemed.

Tonight at the concert, Untold Stories did a song called Who Am I Living For by Katy Perry that I had never heard. I went home and listened to the actual song, and it's crazy the power that this song has. It explains it all. The fight of the Christian. The battle of the Chosen. The tug on the heart strings of the Called. I've posted some of the lyrics below and I encourage you to take a listen to the actual song.

I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear, yeah yeah

I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This test is my own cross too bare
But I will get there

It’s never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

I can feel this lightness inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world, yeah yeah

So I pray for a favour like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice
But that’s the price

It’s never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called
Standing on the frontline when the bomb starts to fall
I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames
Calling out my name

I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the eh-end of it all
Who am I living for?

-Toby K.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

In His Presence I Fall To My Knee's.

Life is good. Tough but good. I'm just trying to make it through the days and weeks. Work is taking it's toll on my body and soul. My emotions are clinging to the side of a cliff, hanging on for dear life. My focus is purley on serving God. I don't have time for distractions right now. I still have my friendships and my life is still active but there are a lot of things that I've had to push aside inorder to let God have as much room as possible, and there will always be more room that can be made for him. I wan't to give so much of myself to him. To follow him in his shadows, touch the hem of his garments, close my eyes and ears and still know he's beside me. I want to dive head first into all his righteousness. Breathe in deep lung fulls, holding the fresh clear water as long as I can then letting out a Heavenly language of Praise. Swim in his ribbons of teal moire. Touch the glassy bottom, resting my palm on the cool surface. I love knowing he's around me, even in his silence I listen for his echo.
.....I cry out, "I love you", and wonder if he hears me. Wonder if he approves of me. Wonder what he thinks of me. Wonder and wait, pray and listen.
-Toby K.

Friday, November 12, 2010

In The Library It's Quiet At Work

I am so busy all the time, and when I'm not busy, I'm sleeping...all the time. Literally, I work (10pm-6am), come home, sleep till 3(ish) in the afternoon, lay around and maybe eat, clean, finish things I haven't done, take a shower, and then do it over again all week long. But don't forget to throw in Tuesday 9:30am coffee with the woman, Tuesday 7:00pm Skit Practice, Friday 7:30pm Bible Study, Saturday 11:00am outreach, Saturday night concert scene, the ofcourse Sunday and Wednesday Church...Then there's random friend visits, errands, and an entire life of need-to's. I'm not the most busy person in he world, but it feels like that sometimes, especially around 4pm, at that point I'm always really tired and out of it.
It's currently 4:52am and I'm at work...not doing much, and getting paid to do it. That's kind of nice.
I am sorry that I have missed an entire week of blogging, I will defentley be back on it with (hopefully) more fun and exciting stories of the Toby K. way of life. Toby K. just needs to get bac in the Toby K. groove.
-Toby K.

Monday, November 1, 2010

NaNoWriMo Day 1

NaNo's Word Count Goal/ Qualification Mark- 1667 words a day.
Kaylee's Day One Word Count- 2050.

Started work last night, slept till 3:00pm. Almost forgot to write a blog because I forgot it was Monday.

Novel Secret Revealed:
Title- Praise Adonai

I hope to write more later this week, but for now I'm pressed for time. Please excuse this uncharacteristically short blog.
-Toby K.